I cannot believe that I haven't posted anything since May.. It feels like I just started this blog mere weeks ago and already I've managed to let go of posting for several months. Realizing how quickly this time has passed unnoticed prompts me to stop and reflect on this summer that's just passed and what has held my attention so raptly to the exclusion of the commitment I made to this sad little blog.
In answer, I can talk about work, or holidays or CFI stuff, appointments or whatever other things make up the colored blocks on my Google calendar but really it all can be refined quite nicely down to one main point: it would seem that I still struggle to balance all the roles that I play in this new fast paced life. When any one of those roles requires more attention, I tend to lose my grip on the others and play a precarious game of real life jenga while I struggle to regain my balance while not completely dropping any of the other pieces and breaking them beyond recognition.
And Inevitably it would seem it is work that is taking a bigger piece of the pie.
I know that I pour too much of myself always into my role as manager and team leader at the store and the result tends to be that this leaves only leftovers to be picked at once I leave there. And, of course, there is housework, cleaning and cooking, planning, organizing, more cleaning and errands to do and since Mack moved back home this summer (can I get a "Ramen"?) I am spreading myself even thinner (ha ha.. I wish!)
A friend asked me recently how I manage to find the energy to do what I do, how I don't come home from work and just pass out, leaving all the work for another time. The only answer I could come up with came out sounding sanctimonious and condescending and a little like this:
"When I moved to Calgary, I made a choice about the kind of lifestyle I want to live... blah blah.. this is the price I pay (exhaustion) and so there are many days that I just come home tired and push through because this is what I choose to do because of how I choose to live." okay, so while this is truly how I felt, I know that its not for everyone. And as I walked away from that conversation, I wondered to myself: At what cost? I get so wrapped up in this vision that I have for what my life should look like that I forget that I must also be a sister, and a daughter, an aunt, a friend. and I pay a high price for this imbalance.
So the question is this: Time Management. How do I simplify and get back to basics? And how can one withdraw from the rat race and still share the same cage with the other rats? Maybe I have to accept that its okay for the floors to stay dirty for a bit longer or that we can eat macaroni and cheese one night if the trade off can be that there will be time to play a board game. Go for a bike ride. Call my mom.
I don't want to end up consumed by this job. And I must remember that if my goal is to one day have a decent blog, then I bloody well better post on it, hmmm?
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